recovery

realised my potential in love.
understand my ability for regrowth.
cell by cell.
each neutron regaining strength and purpose.

vital organs restored
the one with all the strings running to and from it-
this organ has started its recovery process.

desire

upwind from the flame
wanting nothing more
chilled

the press of your body
warmth from your lips
your attention

might be the only feeling
the one thing i desire

kites

acting 10 and living free
dubble bubble and cap guns
philosophical discussions
heart to heart
nose to nose
saying goodbye three plus times

now i sit
wishing we were in a different life
hands over my mouth
holding on to the last taste of your lips

elton and dilon
two freaks expierencing life and love

it was a nightmare

i had a dream about you last night.
you were waiting for me at the airport.
my surprise was overtaken by joy.
until i got a side hug and a whisper
'im waiting for her. i trust that you agree'
i woke up with tears.

frustration

anger.

pain.

annoyance.

dishonesty.

rejection.

bitterness.

these are my thoughts and feelings towards christians.

i am starting to understand better why so many non-believers dislike us.

do you follow through on your word?

do you check up on your friends, when you know that they could be struggling? or do we just allow life to take us away on an adventure and forget.

im not an angel. far from. and i certainly add to my own frustration.

but we are all called to more than this.

pick up the phone.

ask the hard questions.

be blunt.

stay accountable.

no such thing as perfection. so why pretend your life is?

my life is nothing.

and nothing is as it seems.

judge as you wish.

i didnt think i would end up like this.

is 'this' a good place?

would you know the right answer?!

i have found lately that life is not worth living if you arent living in it.

stop waiting for your life to start.

just start your life.

be adventureous.

take a risk.

choose to make everyday the greatest day possible.

does everyone do this?

do we all use each other this way?
lying our way into peoples lives,
pretending to be something we aren't.
using your relationships to curb your insecurities.
why cant people just be honest and real?
take the risk
otherwise you may end up with surface level friends
and no one to save you from yourself

instead of this perfect image, lets just be real.

come back.

i miss our friendship.
chatting for hours.
so few hours of sleep.
secret dates.
watching films.
rewatching films.
knowing you were just a call away.
your spontaneous nature.
acting like children.
board games. lego.

i miss chicopee.