Double Edged Sword

it takes only a moment to shatter a life

disorient an entire belief

only a single misguided thought

your gift of speech has torn me

do you realize?

everything has changed

never to be quite the same

any bad day reminds me

will time heal?

i have no option but to believe

it has to

undecided

i want to move where you lead

take a chance and fall in your grace

be reminded of your mercy

then i see her laying in the mud

see the agnony in her eyes

hear her voice calling for freedom

frozen with doubt

will change ever come

is there hope or should i just stay

i want to move where you lead

take a chance and fall in your grace

be reminded of your mercy

Your words ring loud

Be on your guard

stand firm in the faith

be men of courage

be strong

leave me alone

the puddle grows cold
sweet relief to feel the blood drain
passing the point of understanding
oh, to soak into my misery's pond
to become a shadow
a whisper
of myself

there is no escape from this
no escape from my shame
i deserve no sympathy
but the pain of your visits means
i'm alive

haircut

i have no fear with scissors
no fear of the typical
no hestiation in love
but my heart stops
my lips seal shut
every ounce of self tramatized
just by hearing your name.

giving up
gave up
the world still spinning
sunrise and sunset
life moves
changes
but the pain remains

reply

brakes seized

hidden tears

mute screams

whispered prayers

wonder

confusion

emptiness

anger

reply

baludu

pain of disbelief
confusion
and respect
rotting pit inside

no glourious mountain
or raging sea
can speak solace

insomnia creeps
depression edges

Family

wishing i was home
missing my loud and insane family
wanting to wake up without the occean
new family grows by the day
but nothing with satisfy like blood

wonder

nervous of the feelings that i am creating

excited by their meaning

intimidated of the future

elated by the possibility of forever

run

where.
east or west.
how.
car or plane.
when.
now or never.

the potential is grand.
but fear overrides.

bear tooth necklace

like no time had passed.
aboundance of water under our bridge.
changed hearts.
matured minds.
one day to fall for you again.
no answers.
just questions.
time and God´s provision will tell this tale.
of friendship.
and of love.

adventure awaits.

recovery

realised my potential in love.
understand my ability for regrowth.
cell by cell.
each neutron regaining strength and purpose.

vital organs restored
the one with all the strings running to and from it-
this organ has started its recovery process.

desire

upwind from the flame
wanting nothing more
chilled

the press of your body
warmth from your lips
your attention

might be the only feeling
the one thing i desire

kites

acting 10 and living free
dubble bubble and cap guns
philosophical discussions
heart to heart
nose to nose
saying goodbye three plus times

now i sit
wishing we were in a different life
hands over my mouth
holding on to the last taste of your lips

elton and dilon
two freaks expierencing life and love

it was a nightmare

i had a dream about you last night.
you were waiting for me at the airport.
my surprise was overtaken by joy.
until i got a side hug and a whisper
'im waiting for her. i trust that you agree'
i woke up with tears.

frustration

anger.

pain.

annoyance.

dishonesty.

rejection.

bitterness.

these are my thoughts and feelings towards christians.

i am starting to understand better why so many non-believers dislike us.

do you follow through on your word?

do you check up on your friends, when you know that they could be struggling? or do we just allow life to take us away on an adventure and forget.

im not an angel. far from. and i certainly add to my own frustration.

but we are all called to more than this.

pick up the phone.

ask the hard questions.

be blunt.

stay accountable.

no such thing as perfection. so why pretend your life is?

my life is nothing.

and nothing is as it seems.

judge as you wish.

i didnt think i would end up like this.

is 'this' a good place?

would you know the right answer?!

i have found lately that life is not worth living if you arent living in it.

stop waiting for your life to start.

just start your life.

be adventureous.

take a risk.

choose to make everyday the greatest day possible.

does everyone do this?

do we all use each other this way?
lying our way into peoples lives,
pretending to be something we aren't.
using your relationships to curb your insecurities.
why cant people just be honest and real?
take the risk
otherwise you may end up with surface level friends
and no one to save you from yourself

instead of this perfect image, lets just be real.

come back.

i miss our friendship.
chatting for hours.
so few hours of sleep.
secret dates.
watching films.
rewatching films.
knowing you were just a call away.
your spontaneous nature.
acting like children.
board games. lego.

i miss chicopee.

the truth

even if the truth is going to hurt you, wouldnt you want to know? so that you arent living in a bubble of misconceptions!?

when in love i want to know, even if the truth would break my heart. i want to know your darkest fears, i want to know your biggest dreams, i want to scream at you when i hurt and cry on your chest when im too tired to do anything else. for i know everything else about you, i want to know the crap too, the stuff that you hide while on the boardwalk at the beach, the things that you dont think i could handle. i still deserve to know.

i cannot imagine that i could love to the fullest potiental if i wasnt fully honest. if it meant heart ache for the next year, it would be better than living in this secretive life and finding out that you felt comfortable lying for so long.

love has never been simple. my fear of being alone will never keep me from telling the truth.

tard face

get over it.
we are both in better places. i honestly would never change a thing.
if you agree then be there. be here.
come out from under the covers, out of the pages of your journal.
i will wait. but id rather do what we always promised to do.
stay friends.

just thinking

Once Satan has attached himself to your pinky toe, he has control over your whole leg.